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Date: Seventh Astral Era Year 1, 9th Sun of the 1st Astral Moon
I've been naught but a fool.
For wishing for the experience and getting it so, there are still many conflicts in which it must needs be settled for they've already been brought to light.
Last night, Augustine and I went to the docks at Moraby Bay to discuss several things. But mainly to deal with this... entire predicament. Mayhap I am a fool for believing this, but I truly do think that his feelings for me are genuine. And yet, believing that in and of itself is a problem. My own feelings continue to be left in confusion. I do care for him and yet I am unsure of how to react. He still has yet to deal with his own conflicts with Tassine. Even if he were to deal with said issues with his significant other and if he should (hypothetically speaking) decide to pursue me, it may be for naught.
Several times last night did he mention that there are those who wish to do him harm. While I am with utmost certainty that he is able to fend for himself, I've said that I would not allow such a thing to happen. And yet, I wonder if he will truly do the same. While he had mentioned removing Artorias' tongue since he wished to do me harm, I'm still uncertain if Augustine would return the sentiments.
There is still the fact yet that we are both men. I still worry for what others would think and say were they to find out of this. Hells, I worry for what Kelvena and Caen would think if this should ever come to surface. And yet I allowed him to kiss me, multiple times. And at one point did I finally learn how to do the same.
I am naught but a fool.
My mind is complete with many a jumbled mess, jumbled emotions, and mayhap even a jumbled heart. It knows not what it wants, I fully admit that. But might I also be a bigger fool for trusting Augustine? For caring for him? Despite all that, Augustine was kind enough to allow me to have some time to think things through. By The Builder do I hope he does the same.
I've been told that sometimes, having admirations towards someone and not having said admiration returned ruins friendships. I fear this happening to Augustine and I. Should I not have the heart to give Augustine a chance, I truly wish for it not to ruin whatever friendship we may have. I care for him, truly I do. I see good in him that not many others seem to see, but I see it.
Mayhap an airship ride will help me ease my mind, even if only for several moments. I should make haste for Ul'dah.
I've been naught but a fool.
For wishing for the experience and getting it so, there are still many conflicts in which it must needs be settled for they've already been brought to light.
Last night, Augustine and I went to the docks at Moraby Bay to discuss several things. But mainly to deal with this... entire predicament. Mayhap I am a fool for believing this, but I truly do think that his feelings for me are genuine. And yet, believing that in and of itself is a problem. My own feelings continue to be left in confusion. I do care for him and yet I am unsure of how to react. He still has yet to deal with his own conflicts with Tassine. Even if he were to deal with said issues with his significant other and if he should (hypothetically speaking) decide to pursue me, it may be for naught.
Several times last night did he mention that there are those who wish to do him harm. While I am with utmost certainty that he is able to fend for himself, I've said that I would not allow such a thing to happen. And yet, I wonder if he will truly do the same. While he had mentioned removing Artorias' tongue since he wished to do me harm, I'm still uncertain if Augustine would return the sentiments.
There is still the fact yet that we are both men. I still worry for what others would think and say were they to find out of this. Hells, I worry for what Kelvena and Caen would think if this should ever come to surface. And yet I allowed him to kiss me, multiple times. And at one point did I finally learn how to do the same.
I am naught but a fool.
My mind is complete with many a jumbled mess, jumbled emotions, and mayhap even a jumbled heart. It knows not what it wants, I fully admit that. But might I also be a bigger fool for trusting Augustine? For caring for him? Despite all that, Augustine was kind enough to allow me to have some time to think things through. By The Builder do I hope he does the same.
I've been told that sometimes, having admirations towards someone and not having said admiration returned ruins friendships. I fear this happening to Augustine and I. Should I not have the heart to give Augustine a chance, I truly wish for it not to ruin whatever friendship we may have. I care for him, truly I do. I see good in him that not many others seem to see, but I see it.
Mayhap an airship ride will help me ease my mind, even if only for several moments. I should make haste for Ul'dah.