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Date: Seventh Astral Era Year 1, 7th Sun of the 1st Astral Moon
For aught I know, there are things I must needs do. And one of them is to give things much consideration. Unfortunately, I know not where to start. Mainly because I continue to be at a loss for words.
For anyone who've had the chance of getting to know myself, subjects of courting, significant others, and romance are aught but lost to me. To many (and especially those who know naught about me), I may present myself as cold, observing, mayhap even stoic and non-emotional. And yet... I know it true that such is not the case. The ones who've taken the time know of this.
Mayhap one of the biggest surprises came my way the night previous by way of Augustine. Needless to say that I've grown accustomed to his mannerisms and behavior and yet, as much as I knew of the world and as much as I had been able to gauge others, not for a moment did I see this coming. Augustine confessed some sort of attraction for me by way of placing his lips against mine. Whether it be physical or otherwise, 'tis hard to say. At first, 'twas difficult to absorb. A man who had once said to me that he did not fancy other men thanks to a certain Miqo'te named Rain and yet, he insisted that there was no jest in his words towards said attraction for me.
I knew not what to think, say, nor do. 'Tis true that I dislike it when he speaks of himself as if he were 'trash' but I truly believe that 'tis not the case. I believe Augustine to be much more than that. Much like everyone else, he bears his own shortcomings and his faults but I think naught of them. He insists that because I dislike it when he speaks of himself in such a way, he is lead to believe that I also am enamored by him in such a way. I honestly cannot say whether or not that is the case. Were that Caen or Kelvena who spoke of themselves as such, I would highly dislike it as well and express it profusely.
As I've said to him, a part of me fears this. Not many are open to the fact of two men engaging in such activities. (Thank The Builder I am not Ishgardian.) And yet another part of me wishes for the experience. I've not had anyone express such things to me, nor has anyone kissed me in such a way. Whilst I wish for the experience, I feel unworthy of it. Augustine made me realize that I am almost twenty-four and have yet to experience courting and love and heartbreak or some such.
A part of me believes this is aught but true. Augustine bears a significant other by the name of Tassine and that alone complicates things. Coupled with my uncertainties and shall I say insecurities of myself, and it seems as if this is bound for some kind of disaster. A man whose heart is not free is attracted to another man who knows not what he wants.
Another part of me believes his words ring true. Even still, my uncertainties and my insecurities remain. The only conclusion I can surmise at this time is that Augustine may be better off directing his attractions elsewhere. Were he to do that, I can guaratee that he shall get the results he seeks. Regardless, I wish to continue to be a friend to him. I had given Augustine my private linkpearl and I can only hope I regret not this gesture.
For aught I know, there are things I must needs do. And one of them is to give things much consideration. Unfortunately, I know not where to start. Mainly because I continue to be at a loss for words.
For anyone who've had the chance of getting to know myself, subjects of courting, significant others, and romance are aught but lost to me. To many (and especially those who know naught about me), I may present myself as cold, observing, mayhap even stoic and non-emotional. And yet... I know it true that such is not the case. The ones who've taken the time know of this.
Mayhap one of the biggest surprises came my way the night previous by way of Augustine. Needless to say that I've grown accustomed to his mannerisms and behavior and yet, as much as I knew of the world and as much as I had been able to gauge others, not for a moment did I see this coming. Augustine confessed some sort of attraction for me by way of placing his lips against mine. Whether it be physical or otherwise, 'tis hard to say. At first, 'twas difficult to absorb. A man who had once said to me that he did not fancy other men thanks to a certain Miqo'te named Rain and yet, he insisted that there was no jest in his words towards said attraction for me.
I knew not what to think, say, nor do. 'Tis true that I dislike it when he speaks of himself as if he were 'trash' but I truly believe that 'tis not the case. I believe Augustine to be much more than that. Much like everyone else, he bears his own shortcomings and his faults but I think naught of them. He insists that because I dislike it when he speaks of himself in such a way, he is lead to believe that I also am enamored by him in such a way. I honestly cannot say whether or not that is the case. Were that Caen or Kelvena who spoke of themselves as such, I would highly dislike it as well and express it profusely.
As I've said to him, a part of me fears this. Not many are open to the fact of two men engaging in such activities. (Thank The Builder I am not Ishgardian.) And yet another part of me wishes for the experience. I've not had anyone express such things to me, nor has anyone kissed me in such a way. Whilst I wish for the experience, I feel unworthy of it. Augustine made me realize that I am almost twenty-four and have yet to experience courting and love and heartbreak or some such.
A part of me believes this is aught but true. Augustine bears a significant other by the name of Tassine and that alone complicates things. Coupled with my uncertainties and shall I say insecurities of myself, and it seems as if this is bound for some kind of disaster. A man whose heart is not free is attracted to another man who knows not what he wants.
Another part of me believes his words ring true. Even still, my uncertainties and my insecurities remain. The only conclusion I can surmise at this time is that Augustine may be better off directing his attractions elsewhere. Were he to do that, I can guaratee that he shall get the results he seeks. Regardless, I wish to continue to be a friend to him. I had given Augustine my private linkpearl and I can only hope I regret not this gesture.